I am a mother, I am a wife, but was a daughter before I was either of those.
No matter how old you get or what happens in your life, there are days you just want your Mom.
Mother's Day was hard for me for so many years after I spent that Mother's Day in 1997 when we laid you to rest the day before.
That was a day that will haunt me forever as I said goodbye to you while everyone around me celebrated their moms. I will not forget the hole in my heart that losing you left.
For Mama, I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. I still go the phone and think of calling you. I still long to ask you a question or advice and I will always want to tell you things that happen in my daily life.
I will cry tears that you are not here to for Cole to know and that he will never know just how silly you were and how much fun. I cry that I feel so alone without you at times. I cry that the flowers are blooming, and you aren't here to see them. My tears had never dried from the moment in the hospital when I had to say goodbye. Those tears have remained a part of me every day since.
It has been years since I heard your voice but the sound remains strong in my memory. It has been years since we laughed and since you placed your loving arms around me. Those years seem long on days, and then there are moments when the pain is still as fresh as a cut.
Sure as mothers and daughters do we didn't get along all the time, we had our differences.We had our problems, but we also had that connection. I never went a day of my life while you were here on this earth to call you. I called no matter where I was at, no matter if we were having a disagreement. I never spent a New Year's Eve that I didn't call you, waking both you and Daddy most of the time. I just had to say I love you.
So as the days and years tick away I will finish my days with Goodnight Mama; I love you and sweet dreams.
Every time it rains I feel the teardrops from Heaven as they wash on my face, and I know you are there looking down with love.
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