Who am I? I hate being Bipolar, It's awesome

 Being Bipolar means, I have ups that are higher than most people, and I have lows so low it was difficult to breathe. That is just a daily thing for me, and I have sort of learned to deal with it.

Well, life is not always the easiest, that has been my motto, especially in the last 20 years. I can't believe that it has been that long since I talked to my Mama. 20 years since I sat in that hospital room and watched her take her last breath, 20 years since I had a Mom to go to when I needed that particular moment.

20 years seems like such a long time ago, but it has been. And it has been 15 years since I could tell Daddy I love you and have him tell me he loved me too. Where has the time gone? I still feel like a little girl that just wants her Mama and Daddy.

How do I get over the fact that they are gone? How? People say time will heal all wounds, but it really doesn't. Not really. You just get to where you have cried so much that maybe the tears have a harder time coming, then again maybe they don't.

There are still moments that I can't take it, and I go off by myself and cry for all the moments that I wish they were here, for all the things that have happened that I wish they could have seen.

Mama, I will always need you to help me when I can't figure something out and Daddy, I will always look to you when I want a big hug. But the advice doesn't come, and the hug is not there. That makes more tears fall, and then I am once again that little girl that had a nightmare.

It is funny how I watch some people go through life without the same pain when they don't have their parents anymore. I see some who literally throw them away because they just don't want them around anymore. And I cry because I wish mine were here with every ounce of my being.

So how do I deal with this pain inside of me while trying to hold on to my sanity? I don't know all I know is that I have to. I have to hang on even when my grip gets loose.

Who Am I? Another Member of the Silent Tears Group

Who am I? Well, I am a person who loves with all their heart. That hurts me in ways that words won't describe. So as I look at this time to say Happy Birthday to someone that I am not allowed to say anything to, I feel like nothing else.

There are many people, who are in the same position as I am and that is a real tragedy. But it is just the way life has evolved. People don't get along; families don't talk or have anything to do with one another, brothers and sisters are estranged, children say they hate their parents, and so on.

What can we do about that? Well if anyone comes up with a way please pass it on to the rest of us.

Just because we share blood and family ties does not mean we are close. Just because you carried and raised a child that you would die for doesn't mean that child loves you. Blood doesn't mean much to so many and even less to others.

Life isn't fair. That fact we could all probably agree upon, but it doesn't make it any easier. I send birthday love and wishes to one of the reasons for my silent tears, my you have a beautiful day full of happiness and light. May all your dreams come true. Even though I am not allowed there or in your life doesn't mean my love isn't enormous.

So this is a Happy Birthday to all the children, grandchildren, mothers, fathers, and siblings that people aren't allowed to express. Maybe someday things will change, but until then we must shed our tears in silence.

It is almost as if the entire world is bipolar.