Who Am I? What is Bipolar Disorder Really? Just Get Over It

Who am I? Funny, I ask that question so often and still I am not positive what answer really fits.

I know I am a Mom, a wife, a Nana, and doggy Nana. But who am I besides that? Being bipolar is not what I want to identify with. However, it is exactly what I need to identify with. Strange the one thing I hid for so many years of my life is what I feel is the real me.

Growing up I was constantly told by my Mama to just keep it all inside. I don't blame anyone, you see it was the way things were. Mental illness, bipolar disorder or as it was called then Manic Depression, was not something that the world really understood.

They were of the belief that it was just like a cold, I would get over it. So it began my life of being told to 'get over it'.

Bipolar Disorder by:
Definition

BIPOLAR DISORDER also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.

• Bipolar I Disorder— defined by manic episodes that last at least 7 days, or by manic symptoms that are so severe that the person needs immediate hospital care.Usually, depressive episodes occur as well, typically lasting at least 2 weeks. Episodes of depression with mixed features (having depression and manic symptoms at the same time) are also possible.
• Bipolar II Disorder— defined by a pattern of depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes, but not the full-blown manic episodes described above.

Bipolar I Disorder, that is me. 

Even, after all these years and it has been a long time.My diagnosis was in 1967, and I will not do the math to let you know how many years that has been. If you want to know how long that has been, well do the math. But I only say it has been a LONG TIME. 

My first treatment was a dosage of lithium every morning. I had a deep phobia of choking so my Mama would crush the pill up and feed it to me with a spoon. I can still see myself sitting on the kitchen counter as she crushed that pill, so long ago.

Ironically, it didn't stop anything. Or maybe it kept it from getting too bad. I don't know, all I know for sure was that it was a miserable time for me. The manic episodes were awful, and I know it was hard on my parents as much as me. But I still felt so alone. 

That was when I began to take moments to hide in the closet when things got too intense in my head. 


One of the most difficult things to handle comes in the form of people who still feel like this is a made up disease. Guess what folks, why the hell would I make it up? It hurts when their ignorance is so strong that all they want is to convince me to 'get over it.' 

Bipolar disorder is nothing we can just 'get over,' this is the way things are, and as more people come forward admitting they suffer, it is time for the ignorant to realize the truth.

The funny thing is that while I suffer from this disorder, it is the ignorant I feel sorry for.

Who Am I? What Drives You Crazy? Ignorance, Selfishness, Rudeness

Who am I?
Today I am going to be the person who tells the world what my pet peeves are and what just completely sends me to the moon.

Okay, how do I figure out what is the greatest pet peeve of mine?
I guess I will just start with something. The Internet. Not the use of the web.
The cost of service is outrageous. Everything about the world seems to be connected or only accessible through the internet. We are all in need of internet connections, but getting connected is not just as easy as it sounds.
Some locations are not offered any service at all and some that service is so expensive it is out of the question.

Now, I want to move on to the matter of insurance. We are all required to have auto insurance (if you own a car) and health insurance. Both of those instances are penalized by fines if you do not have them. Okay, that is just a fact. My peeve is the fact that the insurance industry is one of the only things not regulated by the federal government. Well, just how is that right? They make us have them, but they do not control the amount that the companies are allowed to charge.

And then we have Obamacare, which was supposed to help Americans with their health insurance needs. It is just a joke. I know more people who have suffered from their health insurance needs since that went into effect. We have the wonderful, note my hostile attitude. Anyway, there is the Marketplace that is supposed to assist people in getting insured. If you go to the site, you will fill out a questionnaire to help determine if you get any aid in paying the price.

The cost of the insurance ranges in the hundreds of dollars, and if you are lucky, you can get help to pay some of that. But if you do not get insurance you are fined. Okay, the ones penalized are the same people who are having trouble just putting food on the table to feed their families. How is that fair? How is that helping the American Public?

On with the things that bother me. Up and down of the price of gasoline. We hear every year about the rising cost of crude oil, but then the remarkable price goes down. Then out of nowhere, it goes back up.

In my mind, I feel controlled. When things get atrocious, and the public complains about the state of stuff, then suddenly something like a drastic drop in gas happens. Then just as we get used to having a spare dollar or two, BAM they go up again, and we are right back where we started.

Money. How sad that it has reached such a controlling factor in the world.


I will end this mini rant with talking about helping people. Okay, first I am all for helping those in need. I love to do anything I can to help others and don't get me wrong I have been in the position to need help at times in my life.

But why is so much help going so far away? Why can't we help our neighbors before we go to other countries to aid the people? I know they need contribute too, but look around I guarantee you will see someone in arms reach that is in extreme need. So quite stepping over the poor at your feet to get on the planes to go overseas to aid foreign countries.

I do not see it as a beautiful thing when you fly far away to feed the hungry or build homes. Not when you have just walked by hungry, needy, and desperate people to do it. Help here first.

My Mother in law was a prime example of the ignorant who didn't help anyone here. She said the only reason any Americans were hungry or doing without was that they were lazy or drug addicts.

How ignorant that statement was, how ignorant of the way things are. I will admit though that I often wondered as a young woman why people did without. Then, karma slapped me in the face with reality. The reality that every one of us, everyone who has all they need and are sitting in a lovely home, everyone is just one paycheck away from being in a cardboard box.

It is not easy when you find you are homeless. When you realize that there is no help, no one to make sure your children are fed, no one to make sure things are okay.

Our lives were on the top of the mountain when Lynn got hurt. Then before we knew it we were without a home, without food, and unable to get any help (all because the insurance company said they were paying us, even though they were not).

Rude people are also another thing that irritates me to no end. But it seems no matter where you go, there they are.

What are your worst pet peeves? What drives you crazy?