The Black Abyss of Terror called a Panic Attack

Panic attacks. By definition, it is a sudden feeling of acute and disabling anxiety. For me, those words simply mean my general day.

Just how does a panic attack feel? To all those who have the fortunate luck of never experiencing one, this is like having a heart attack, thinking you are dying, hyperventilating, dizziness and pure, complete terror.

To the world who thinks this is made up or to those who want you to just 'get over it.' Oh my God I am not making it up, and no I can not get over it. WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE THIS UP and FOR THE LOVE OF PETE STOP TELLING ME TO GET OVER IT.

The first panic attack I had was when I was just five years old. It was horrifying. My heart began to beat so loud I thought everyone could hear it. Crying, I told my Mama, but she didn't understand this thing that was going on with me. During the 60's honestly, no one understood it.

So, I heard 'get over it and go back to sleep.' It was not something I could just stop. So I lay in the dark, thinking I was going to die.

All I could think about was the pain I felt and the beating of my heart in my ears. I had no idea that this would go on for the rest of my life.

Today, that same panic attack comes on often and without warning. I stress out over the weather. And when I have a Doctor appointment, (I stress the night before an appointment so bad that sleep eludes me,  as if I ever sleep anyway). I stress over payday, over grocery shopping, over knowing someone is coming to visit, I stress over having to talk on the phone, over answering the phone, or the possibility that I might have to interact with someone online, so basically I stress.

So what is my life like? Well, you could say I live in a constant state of anxiety. Bipolar disorder is just one aspect of me, panic attacks are another, but I have learned to stop worrying about those things because that is just who I am.

Fear is an emotion that comes to me over so much. But the hopelessness I feel when a panic attack hits are just another thing I deal with every day. I thank all that is good that I have the support system of the world's greatest family.
If it wasn't for this little group, I call family and their ability to allow me all the eccentricities that are me, well I don't know where I would be.

Life is hard for most of the world. But for those like e dealing with mental issues well it is a little more difficult.

Anytime that the tears begin to streak down my cheeks at random well they just allow me to be me, and I cry.