Who am I? Sometimes I really wonder about that. Just who am I really?
Well, I know I am a wife, a mother, a grandmother, and a furry nana. But just exactly what does that mean?
I have no idea. The only thing is that I know I love my family with all my heart and I would do anything for them. Sometimes that means doing things that aren't exactly what I would like to do, but I do them.
So as I sit here once again I have celebrated another birthday without my parents, and without some who are so dear to me. It never gets easier. Not one bit. But it is the way life is, and there is nothing I can do about that.
All I do know is that I wish things were different. I wish my Mama and Daddy were here to call and say "Happy Birthday baby." But no they aren't. If you can hug your parents, then you should do that. I know not all relationships are perfect. Still, it is your parents. Tell your family how much you love them. Because just like a blink of the eye, they could be gone.
To the world I say spend time with your family, tell your loved ones how you feel, live each moment of each day as if there is no tomorrow, and have no regrets. Life is just a fleeting moment in this universe.
Life is such a strange thing. It is difficult to deal with at times and it is unbearable at times. Don't get me wrong I am so happy to have a life that is worth living and I am grateful for all I have. But there is so much about life that I wish was different. I know we can't change the way things are because no matter how much we would like to, it is impossible to make other people feel thing they don't want to feel.
As to the question of who I am; I am me and with that people have to accept that I am Bipolar, There are many, sadly, in this world that think this is just something that is made up. That Bipolar disorder is just a way of getting people to pay attention to us and a way to draw pity from the rest of the world. Haha, that is still so ironically funny to me. Because who in the world would want to be Bipolar, seriously? Why on earth would anyone use that as a way to get attention or make people feel sorry for them.
It took me so many years just to accept this in myself and to those who think it is bull, I wish you knew what it felt like to live inside my head for just a few minutes. Being bipolar is not easy by no means. It is a difficult thing that must be dealt with every second of every day. It is not something you can turn off or put away when you don't want to deal with it.
This is something that I must concentrate on every second of my life. If I forget just a moment then my mind swirls out of control. So you see this is me. That is who I am. If you can't deal with it, there is nothing I can do about that. It is your choice.
Back to who I am, well I guess it means I am just me. That is all. I am the best me I know how to be.
It means that when there is that person who has decided they do not want me in their lives, even though it kills my soul I do as they wish. Sure there are those who don't understand that. But when a person has chosen to hate and throw you away, well there really isn't much you can do. You can not force a person to love you, no matter how much you desire that result.
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