Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all those who are able to hug their Moms and extra hugs to those who only have memories.
Happy Mother's Day to all those who celebrate alone.
Living life, for me, has always been a difficult task. I know that as a kid it was hard for Mama to deal with my problems because the world really didn't understand them. And both Mama and Daddy had absolutely no real knowledge on how to properly deal with my Bipolar disorder. They didn't have Google to look up the details, and the World Books didn't talk about it. Still, they endured and did the best they could.
So what it must have been for them to not really be able to 'band-aid' my problems away I have no idea. And I can't imagine what my Dad must have felt when he was forced to push me from the car into the arms of teachers so I would stay. Or how Mama felt as I cried for no reason and didn't have the vocabulary to explain what I felt.
No, I have no idea what it was like to be my Mama. I just know she tried. She hugged me, she made me laugh, she went fishing with me, and she never minded when we turned her house upside down. She drank her coffee, crocheted, sewed, and watched her stories while the world of play went around her feet.
She cooked supper while we pulled the pans out of the cabinet and climbed inside, she just stepped over us. She wasn't perfect, no one is. But she was my Mama, and I will alway miss her. I will always love her. Not a day goes by that I don't shed a tear that she isn't here to see Cole grow up, to see her great-grandkids grow into young women, and to share every moment of my life. I miss her so much, and I know that pain will always be a part of me.
What was her secret? I don't know. But I know she chose to have me even when it was a decision. My Mama had cancer. She found out when she was around 4 months pregnant with me, they wanted her to abort me and have surgery to remove the Cancer. Her reply was a simple No. Instead, she waited until I was 2 so I would always have the experience of having a mother as a baby. How many women would do that now? How many would choose their child over their own life? Would you?
Happy Mother's Day Mama you might not be here, but you are inside of me. You are inside my kids, and you are in my memories. You are in every moment of every day as I go through life and I will never forget and never stop loving you. Thank you, Mama, for choosing me and being the woman you were.
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