That may be true, but mine definitely doesn't go round, and round it spins wildly in all directions.
Lately, it feels as if the lows are the only thing. This gives me the feeling of darkness that at times is overwhelming. But, as for the world, I keep the darkness to myself. When we have trials, we hide that, never letting anyone know anything.
I will never post to the world that there are financial strains in my life. I will never post to the world that I am ill. For me, those things are something you keep to yourself.
Even, though I see every day where people are airing their entire lives to the rest of the world. That is not me. Sure, I can hear everyone as they read my blog, say that I air everything. But I really don't. I keep all of that hidden away, this blog is my way of explaining what it feels like to live with bipolar disorder and what it is to deal with head injury in a family.
My life has been a rollercoaster of astronomical proportions. I have had ups so high it will give you a nosebleed and lows so low if I were still that little girl in the '60s I would have found China.
That is just how it is when you live with bipolar disorder. But my life hasn't stopped there I have endured the aftermath of my husband's head injury which takes a person on such a ride all by itself.
Funny when we were dealing with his injury at one point we ended up in a therapist's office. (Not that therapy was a new thing for me.) Anyway as we talked about what was going on, Lynn's doctor insisted we see the therapist because she thought he was suicidal, and that I was too close to the current situation to know better.
So then we sat in the office of an excellent therapist and spent hours talking. After we had discussed everything, the man very calmly looked at Lynn and spoke. "You are not depressed, and honestly you are handling your situation very well. However, your wife has problems, and I could make a career in helping her."
That has been my life. I have been in many positions like that. When I began having heart trouble I went to many; many doctors had every test possible. Spent hours, weeks, months hooked up to monitors. Eventually, I sat in the teaching center for the heart in St. Louis. Laying back on the examination table hooked to yet another machine. I had experienced so many it was old hat to me by now.
Good thing it was because you truly aren't a person in situations like this. Because here I sat with wires connected to me, my hospital gown spread wide open for God and everybody to see EVERYTHING. That was when I looked out the window to see I was situated straight across from the train station and it was CROWDED!!!! So my modesty aside I just waved at everyone. I mean what else could I do, try to hide. They had already witnessed all my glory so what was the use.
The end of my visit there resulted in: "We know you are sick, we are aware you are having these episodes. We just don't know why." Then they went on to tell me to go home and "live stress-free."
Seriously, Stress-free? How in the world was I supposed to do that? I had two small kids, a husband with a head injury and then just life in general. I mean I am bipolar how stress-free can that be?
So world, you can see that my rollercoaster has had so many ups and downs.
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