Who Am I? Walk In My Shoes During An Anxiety Attack

Who am I? I am a woman of many sides.

Being bipolar is not easy, being bipolar sends me deep within myself at times. That is the time I find it hard to surface; it is as if I am drowning in an ocean all alone. Surrounded by my family that loves me should help and it does, but there are those instances within my head that are just so hard.

So at this moment, I will let you walk with me in this world of an anxiety attack. My heart is beating so fast, it feels like a drum in my head. My head hurts, but not just hurts it is so painful. I feel so scared I can hardly focus, (so you will understand this is hard for me), my eyes are blurry, and I keep looking around like the world is going to collapse on me at any second.

My mind is racing, wondering what will happen next. I keep thinking something is just around the edge, and it is bad. My fear is climbing the scale to leap far off the page. I want to run, but where do I run? Why do I run? I have no idea, but the thoughts are there. I can't seem to stop them.

Where does this fear come from? Why me? Why can't I be like everyone else and control this aspect of my mind? So many thoughts, so much turmoil. It is overwhelming. I want to scream, but I can't. The world wouldn't understand if I stood in the yard and screamed. The neighbors would not appreciate it.

Everyone asks if I am okay. I try to nod yes through the tears that hide just behind the surface of my eyes. But the sparkle must be there. They have to see. But I am like this so often. I doubt they notice anymore. It is just Mom being Mom. But it is awful. I want to curl up in a ball and
have it all go away, but it won't leave.

The pounding of my heart is so loud, I swear the entire world can hear. Can they not hear it? Why won't it slow down? I know I have to make it calm down, or it is another trip to the ER, and I don't want that.

Life, it has moved so fast. Why did certain things turn out like this? I miss, I cry, I wish things were different. But what can I do? People can't be made to love you, they just turn their backs and walk away.

I thank God every second of every day for Lynn, Heather, and Cole. Wow, I know that dealing with me is a handful. The tears, the silence, the anxiety. How on earth do they do it?

Medication, after medication. The drugs only make me feel like a zombie, so what is better this horrified feeling of losing control or zombie?

My tears try hard not to fall, I don't want anyone to see. All I want is for this to end and no one to see that again I am in full anxiety mode. I want to be different, I want to be calm. But it just doesn't seem possible.

I have so much I need to do, but my mind only floats around in this foggy mist of confusion.

Anxiety. It is different for everyone. For me it is often, it is strong, and it has no limits to its torture.

Now I must just remember. Breathe in, breathe out. Focus, focus. This feeling will pass. Won't it?

Who am I? Is Neo Still Stuck In The Matrix?

Who am I? Confusion seems to be the premise of the day but this quote from Keanu Reeves fits better than anything else. I so agree, do you?


"Where women do not want children, and men don’t want a family.

Where the suckers believe themselves to be successful behind the wheel of their fathers', and a father who has a little bit of power is trying to prove to you that you’re a nobody.

Where people falsely declare that they believe in God with a shot of alcohol in their hand, and the lack of any understanding of their religion.

Where the concept of jealousy is considered shameful, and modesty is a disadvantage.

Where people forgot about love, but are simply looking for the best partner.

Where people repair every rustle of their car, not sparing any money or time, and, they look poor that only an expensive car can hide it.

Where the boys waste their parents' money in nightclubs, aping under the primitive sounds, and girls fall in love with them for this.

Where men and women are no longer identifiable and where all this together is called freedom of choice, but for those who choose a different path-get branded as retarded despots.

I choose my path, but it’s a pity that I did not find similar understanding in the people among whom I wished to find it most of all … “ 
~ Keanu Reeves

Such strong words who else agrees? How are many others in the world tired of the mudslinging, crap calling, and worrying about things that are not important at all?

All the protests are proclaiming love, but all I see is hate.

We live in a world where people pay others to raise their children, where it is easier to ignore than help others, and where humanity feels lost.

As a child, I grew up in a community that allowed the kids of my neighborhood to roam freely without fear. We traveled beneath the town in the sewer tunnels having adventures. It was a time that we were able to go blocks away from home even when we were subtle. I was three when I began my roaming with the other kids.

Can you imagine? A three-year-old roaming all over town supervised only by a five, six, and seven years old? Could we do that today?

I would not even think about letting children that small run wherever they desired. But during that period in my life, it was safe. Everyone in town watched over us like hawks, so the illusion of not being supervised was just that imaginary. Today's world doesn't offer very many cases where others watch out for one another.

It was a time when you told your children to find a preacher, teacher, or policeman if they had trouble. What do you tell kids today? Sadly, all you have to do is watch the news to hear instances of someone in authority molesting a child.

What has happened to this world? People have lost themselves in everything.

Families aren't families any longer. Just because you raise your children with unconditional love doesn't mean they return that love. Just because you have large families doesn't mean you aren't alone.

Who Am I? A Proud American Who Gladly Stands Up

Who am I? Such a simple question but in this world of crap it is a deep thought. But as we move past the voting into a new era it is time to get past all the usual crap.

Headlines were indeed full of the usual political he said. She said stuff. Mudslinging is so bad it is covering the entire country. I am not sure I have seen such turmoil as to the candidates in my lifetime. But it hurts to see how this country torn apart from all the hoopla.

As we have all gathered around our televisions to watch the debates and hear what each candidate is going to do to improve our country, we have heard very little. We have instead heard how Trump had a potty mouth in the past, what a shock. We have listened how Hillary deleted emails. And we have heard buckets more of crap that has nothing to do with the Presidency.

Now, first of all, I don't like the way that Trump spoke or how men talk when they are alone. But get real people that are just how things are in our world. Words are just words. Trump has been around for many years and hasn't to my knowledge ever dealt with the same things that Bill Clinton did while he was President.

It is just heartbreaking to see such a reaction from the public. As we celebrate Veteran's Day, I hope the country just remembers to show respect to the office of the President and stop the crap.

I was a Trump supporter and still am. I feel he will work the office as a business, a business that needs to be prosperous. The things of the past don't seem to be working entirely so this sounds good to me. Okay, I completely understand that countless individuals disagree. Their opinions are completely different, but that is the way of Democracy. People have different opinions.

I was raised to be respectful even when someone disagrees with you. To me, I have always felt it was shameful to talk so terribly about any President. And I was not, nor am I now an Obama fan. But I never intentionally disrespected the President.


That same respect is given to the flag. I was taught such high respect for this symbol of our freedom. That flag was never to touch the ground and each flag no matter how small was to be given the same respect. We were taught to say the pledge of allegiance as we placed a hand over our hearts. Stand up to show respect during the National Anthem, remove our hats, and remember what this symbol stood for reference.

I respect the opinions of those who want to show support to any of their beliefs, but. The big but to that statement is that I DO NOT believe they are doing it when they disrespect the flag. Taking a knee during the National Anthem is not proper or right in my eyes. They are not showing support for their beliefs they are showing dishonor to our NATIONAL convictions.

So as Veteran's Day is upon us, I stand up for the flag; I stand up for freedom, I stand up for respect to all who have given everything for that freedom.

We need to learn that even though we might not agree with the President, he is still OUR PRESIDENT and that deserves respect.

All the riots, protests, offensive words spoken to each other because of the election need to stop. The disrespect of the flag is disgraceful and only giving those who want to destroy this great Nation a foothold to accomplish their plans.

I would hate to know what our founding fathers, who fought so hard to give us this country, would think about the way their 'children' are behaving.

Who am I? Top Reasons This Election Disgusts Voters

Who am I? Well, I am just one of the many disgusted Americans who is fed up with the election.

The top reasons we are fed up.

Voting for Hillary because she is a woman.
Seriously, how many are as fed up as I am that women are standing tall and proud to vote for Hillary just because of her gender? That is just making women look idiotic. To vote for a President merely on her gender status is moronic, to say the least. Come on ladies let's instead look at the qualifications the candidate has, just as the past voters stood up and voted for Obama because he is black.


Mudslinging, lies, name calling

An election to vote for our next President, but it looks more like a group of children on the playground drawing lines to see who doesn't have cooties. I have expected one of them to stick their tongue out at the other and scream,

• Arguments

I hate arguments, and all we see or hear are people arguing. He will do this. She will do that. Honestly, I am most definitely not a Hillary fan, but we have no real idea what any of them will do until they are actually in office.

• How many of us really think we have a choice? 

I vote, just because without voting do any of us have the right to complain. How many others are out there who feel that our votes don't decide anything? I wish it were different, but I lost that faith a long time ago.

• Obama bashing Trump

It utterly disgusts me to keep hearing a President bash a candidate. Personally, I feel he should hold a bipartisan stance while in office and keep his nasty opinions to himself. 

Now the best thing will be when this is over, and we can stop all of the fussings. Or will it stop? I fear the reaction of the public with the completed vote counts.