Who am I? My Journey From Naive to Medical Marijuana Cardholder

Who am I? All you have to do is reach down and grab a handful of sand, make sure you catch clean sand. Now, allow that sand to fall from your grasp to let the grains scatter. That is what we all are, just tiny grains of sand in the Cosmo of the world.

The election makes that knowledge even more prominent. As the small grains in a large pile of sand, no one person seems to make a difference. As just one little grain falls, one direction others will follow. So as you look at the elections remember as a lone piece of sand, we are inconsequential, but like a sand castle, we are strong.

I have gotten so frustrated with the elections and all the lies the candidates want to spread. It is sadly a case of mudslinging every time politicians run for office. However this seems to outshine all eternity with their levels of nasty.

So moving past he said, she said of the candidates I move my focus to some of the issues. And once again I am disgusted with the ignorance of so many individuals who are working to sway voters their direction. Still, they have no clue to the truth.

I am a former medical marijuana patient. The only reason I am not a card holder at the moment is that I am trying to help spread information to the rest of the world.

I did not grow up believing that marijuana had a purpose, I thought it was purely the 'devil's weed.' I assumed anyone who smoked it was going to hell. After all, it was illegal, how could it be okay?

Then, my life changed. My eyes opened. I had reached a challenging point in life. My Daddy had died just a short time after Mama. My identity stolen, our house burnt, and my family disowned me. It was a bleak time for me to say the least.

My psychiatrist had me on so many pharmaceutical drugs I didn't even really know who I was. And I didn't participate in life. It was a black spot in my life.

My mind was foggy, and it just kept getting worse. That caused my doctor to add more and more pharmaceuticals to the list that I took. My Doctor worked to convince me that every pill she added would be the one that made me feel better. She was wrong.

That was when my journey to enlightenment began. After much protest, I succumbed to Lynn flushing my meds, and I was convinced to smoke a joint.

How could this be right, I didn't feel worse I felt better. But my mind was fighting the concept. Marijuana could not be making me feel more human, or could it? Everything in my life and my world told me this was not possible.

That was the just the edge of the knowledge I would acquire over the next couple of years. We picked up and moved to California. It was as if we had transported to an entirely new planet.

Everyone had such a different view on marijuana. No one considered it evil; it was just a plant. Some people used it, grew it, and others didn't. The general public didn't place as much emphasis on it as you might think.

I continued to fight medical marijuana in my life. When you have felt one way for so long, it's hard to just throw that to the side. But I began to look at what it was doing for everyone around me.

We lived in a couple of neighborhoods where most everyone was growing weed. Not where I pictured myself living. It was not what the world thinks when they imagine pot growers. This group of individuals was just a bunch of ordinary people. There was a nurse, construction worker, retired engineer, old hippie lady, parents, grandparents, and just people.

It was not a commune. It was not a drug infested world of laziness. It was hard working people just trying to make their way through this life. There were those dealing with chronic pain, cancer, traumas, all sorts of diseases, and even just average daily stress.

The media tries to push the thoughts that modern medical marijuana would only cater to the hangnail generation. Those people who cry wolf about anything that would get them medical weed.

But the real truth is different. We have to realize that the statistics of individuals who are falsely getting hardcore pharmaceuticals is staggering. That is a REAL problem.

Medical marijuana was not causing even a fraction of the problems that pharmaceuticals were causing. So my world in California was leaning toward the real truth, marijuana was useful.

Finally, I was convinced enough to see a doctor about using medical marijuana. I thought like most people it was just a manner of saying I want to weed and bam you got a card. But, I was so wrong.

The doctor was so knowledgeable and helpful He knew that marijuana had to potential to help not only my bipolar disorder, but it was perfect for my chronic pain and fibromyalgia. So I joined the ranks of medical marijuana card holders.

It was weird. My Doctor helped me to learn the I should stay away from Sativa because it made me manic and he helped me to know that for me Indica could let me join life.

How strange it was to consume marijuana and all of a sudden I was feeling healthy. Or as normal as possible. I wasn't high, I wasn't out of it, and I felt good.


I never got to the point where I liked smoking, so my world became part of the edibles.

So much has been said about the harm of medical marijuana and especially how dangerous edibles can be. Those thoughts come out of the ignorance and lack of knowledge.

To the states that have marijuana legislation on the ballot, I hope the voters will all take the time to listen to people who have been there. Patients, parents, caregivers, and growers. Marijuana does not increase the crime rate of places that include it within their list of medications.

It is a different world that everyone thinks. Growers of marijuana are not drug kingpins; they are patients or caregivers who just want to make life better. The money made from growing marijuana is not purchasing planes or private islands. The money that a grower might make from his crop goes to the local farm store, Walmart, grocery stores, electric companies, and the local gas station.

The reality is that medical marijuana growers are just small farmers trying to get by in this crazy world. They are just people.

Dispensaries are not drug cartel locations where drug dealers and addicts are congregating to buy drugs. They are pharmacies where people of all ages get a medication that helps them deal with whatever ailment they are facing.

The states that have had medical marijuana for years are mesmerized by the rest of the population's misconception on weed.

Arkansas has two issues on the ballot. One is the Arkansas Medical Cannabis Act that will allow patients and caregivers to grow their own and covers more medical issues. Read the full bill at https://ballotpedia.org. The second is an amendment that limits the medical problems and growing.

Both are pro-medical marijuana while the Act would help more people.

I have listened to the news media tell how this will cause crime to rise and take away from the budget. While having medical marijuana legal does not mean crime will increase. Instead, it means people are getting the help they need. Look at the locations where medical marijuana is legal, and their crime rates have even been seen to drop.

Okay, I will admit that with all things there are always bad apples. But the medical marijuana community is a laid back group. Only those who know nothing about the issue are the ones crying wolf.

How can they honestly want to limit the number of illnesses or problems that marijuana could help? No one is screaming that viagra should only help individual cases of erectile dysfunction. Even though everyone has heard of the countless times this drug misused.

Sure one is most definitely not like another, but you get my point.  And when this same media talks about how horrible it is for someone to get medical marijuana if they don't need it, to this I say okay but is it a bad thing? How many people use alcohol to help deal with issues in their life? How many are taking prescriptions when they don't need them?
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Things in life are abused but is that reason enough to keep a child from having life-saving medication to help them live a better life? Should someone be limited from using a natural medication to help ease their pain?

I was one of the masses who thought this way until I learned to open my eyes.

I have lived in a medical marijuana world, and I survived. The one thing I found out above all else was that when it came to marijuana, I was not as smart as I thought.

Learn the truth. Marijuana is just a word, Cannabis is the, and it is a natural plant. One plant that has existed since the beginning of time, a completely all natural by-product of mother nature.

Would you want to keep someone who is suffering from taking medical marijuana just because you think it is bad?

Arkansas will vote in November as will Florida, Montana, and North Dakota on medical marijuana. California, Nevada, Arizona, Maine, and Massachusetts will vote for full legalization of recreational.

The kicker is that everyone knows Colorado has legal recreational marijuana, but did you remember that Alaska, Oregon, and may I have a drumroll please, WASHINGTON DC. Let that sink in just a moment. Okay, now that it has done you realize that where our legislators and our President live they have LEGAL RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA.



I am living mostly outside of medical marijuana states, but I will return to a place that allows freedom of choice in medications.

What needs done is for marijuana/ cannabis rescheduled on the Schedule of drugs.


I am not a criminal because I have used marijuana. I am not a bad person because I believe marijuana is not evil.

Who Am I? Political Beliefs Who WIll You Vote For? What Will You Vote For?

Who am I and where do I come from? Those are not just questions I have asked myself. They are often things people ask me. Those questions follow with where do you live?

The truth is I rarely tell anyone where I live because honestly does it matter? And as we travel the country telling people about the benefits of medical marijuana I may live anywhere at anytime. That sounds weird I know, but it is the truth.

My answer is usually Somewhere in the Universe. For me, my home is where my heart is and that remains with my family. So it has been a lot of different places. Missouri, Branson, West Plains, Springfield, California, Colorado, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, so on and so on.

Part of the overall reason I rarely tell the world my location is my way of keeping as much turmoil and drama from my life. Being bipolar is an ongoing struggle and remaining as far away from drama helps. There is plenty of chaos in my head without the world throwing in crap. It may seem hard to understand, but it is important to my mental state to remain as calm as possible.

So we live our life as we see fit, we have met people, we have interacted with countless lives as we experience what the world offers. And that has taught me so many valuable things.

When we moved to California, I was still enmeshed in my uninformed beliefs about the evil qualities of weed. Then as if a cloud lifted learned just how ignorant it was to fear a plant. After all, this little plant had been created by a higher power, by God himself. So how could it be so evil?

That was the feelings I held firm. Weed, marijuana, ganja and the million other names describe just a plant.

It was uninformed, ignorant of me to fear and hate something that honestly I simply didn't understand. I had always considered myself a reasonably intelligent individual, but I knew very little in reality about marijuana. All I truly knew was it was smoked, and people got high.

The past media blast of telling the world about the 'evil reefer' had apparently gone deep within my mind. Maybe it was only osmosis that this was my thoughts because my parents felt firm about the evils.

Daddy was adamant about his philosophy regarding 'flower children' or 'blooming idiots' as he called the hippies of the 60s. They both felt that smoking the evil marijuana meant they were worthless, lazy and a lower society.

My parents grew up in a time when people were firm with their patriotic pride. They like all of their generation believed in our leaders even when they didn't agree with the policy.

I remember so many times how angry with jokes made about the President. And when it came to the American flag, Daddy was. Anytime I carried the flag at a horse show or rodeo he gave me the same lecture. If my horse bucked and threw me to the ground, I always was to make sure that the flag stayed off the ground. I was to protect the Red, White, and Blue no matter the consequences.

To this day I still shutter when anyone disrespects the flag or jokes about our President. I am not an Obama fan, but I still believe the office deserves respect. I will gladly admit that the politicians of today make it extremely hard not to laugh at them.

Political opinions on marijuana change for the politicians as the winds of the day change. Sadly, most of our politicians whether they are candidates or elected, their views and statements seem to alter depending on what group they are addressing.

As far as what they are promising, does it matter? It is what they do once elected. Will they stick to their beliefs or will they alter as most have done in the past?

Who Am I? An American in the Midwest

Who am I? That is not the question. Today is more a question of how am I?

It is the time of year or at least the time of an election year that we see countless political ads at an endless rate. They are some of the saddest things we have to endure. Political ads are nothing but a time to pull out all the old childhood games of he said she said and a lot of they did it not me.

Just turn on the news everything is Trump said this, Hillary said this.

I get so tired of the childish finger pointing that goes on in politics. Every politician I have heard changes their tune from time to time and none of them tell us what they will do. They merely say whatever crowd they are in front of at the time what they want to hear. Right now it is not about telling us any vital information it is all about gathering votes.

How do we know what they will do after they are elected? Honestly, we will not know until the time occurs. So much mudslinging and name calling that it feels to me that we as the people are forgotten.

My one thought is pure. I agree with Trump that the country needs run as a business and we need to straighten up our entire system. But when any of the candidates running keep telling us they understand the plight of the common man I have to wonder. How can billionaires and millionaires understand the difficult situation of what people are dealing with in today's world?


We are a country that exists of people wondering how to put food on the table, how to keep our electric on, and worries about health care. How can individuals who spend thousands on nonsense understand that feeling?

My late mother-in-law was of that similar mindset. She had the warped concept that the mere fact of living in the United States automatically meant you had everything. Her thoughts included the idea that only the lazy or addicted went without.

I am a little ashamed that at one point in my life I didn't know the truth and in a way believed the same thing. But as with all things in life reality came calling and I learned the truth.

Does any of our political candidates understand what it is like to look in the eye of their child and tell them there is no food? Do they know what it is to lay awake all night wondering how to pay the bills? My mother-in-law didn't understand any of that.

We live in the greatest country on the planet. We have so many wonderful things and opportunities as citizens of the United States, yet there are so many ways this great nation is lacking. Health care is my primary complaint. Obamacare was supposed to make sure that everyone got proper medical attention and no one did without ever again.

Now the truth in what has occurred after Obamacare has been a different story. In my life, this program has done quite the opposite, and I know SO many who are in the same situation. Since the bill the was supposed to give everyone access to health insurance went into effect I know people who have lost their insurance.

Was the reason to pass the bill not to provide everyone with low-cost insurance? Instead, it fines those who can not afford to pay the premiums on this so-called low priced insurance. What an oxymoronic thing to do, a penalty charged for not having insurance.

So if you don't have health insurance, you must pay a fine. I know people who don't have the insurance because they don't qualify for aid and can't afford the premiums on their own. How can fine individuals who are already having trouble paying bills because they can't pay another?

Looking past those facts of Obamacare, we move into the fact that finding a doctor now has become almost impossible. You must find one that takes the insurance you can afford, and that is a task that leads to despair.

Clinics and doctors want to interview you now before they accept you as a patient. They don't like it when you have very much wrong with you. In our case, a doctor, my husband, had seen for years wouldn't accept him back as a patient when we moved home again. It had been seven years since he saw him, so it had been too long.

Medical care is difficult enough but finding a physician who will accept ongoing medical problems is not easy. And that doesn't even go into the topic of your chronic pain. Those two little words seem to repeal doctors like garlic on vampires. If you want to get, your doctor to run backward, it is quite simple. Just mention your chronic pain and watch the dust fog as he escapes.

To the world of candidates on the ballot, I ask them not to judge me because I am skeptical about their promises. I am just looking at things from the point of view that has seen a lot of things. I always hold high hopes that things will be different but often find I am disappointed.

You see as will happen we often are slapped with reality when things happen. I learned the lessons of life that can take you from the top of the heap to the very bottom with just one quick motion. My mother-in-law's point of view on the world's needy quickly was proven wrong in our lives.

When my husband was injured at work our life spiraled down. All it took for us to learn hard lessons was a brain injury. That TBI (traumatic brain injury) collapsed our world, nothing would ever be as we knew it.

In the blink of an eye, my world changed, and I learned hard lessons that altered my warped views of the needy.

Politicians come and go but aren't it time all the childish name calling and finger pointing ended? Shouldn't the issues of taking care of the American people be the first thought for any of them? Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Liberalists aren't the point, when did the term AMERICANS get lost in a mess?

Who Am I? Another Member of the Silent Tears Group

Who am I? Well, I am a person who loves with all their heart. That hurts me in ways that words won't describe. So as I look at this time to say Happy Birthday to someone that I am not allowed to say anything to, I feel like nothing else.

There are many people, who are in the same position as I am and that is a real tragedy. But it is just the way life has evolved. People don't get along; families don't talk or have anything to do with one another, brothers and sisters are estranged, children say they hate their parents, and so on.

What can we do about that? Well if anyone comes up with a way please pass it on to the rest of us.

Just because we share blood and family ties does not mean we are close. Just because you carried and raised a child that you would die for doesn't mean that child loves you. Blood doesn't mean much to so many and even less to others.

Life isn't fair. That fact we could all probably agree upon, but it doesn't make it any easier. I send birthday love and wishes to one of the reasons for my silent tears, my you have a beautiful day full of happiness and light. May all your dreams come true. Even though I am not allowed there or in your life doesn't mean my love isn't enormous.

So this is a Happy Birthday to all the children, grandchildren, mothers, fathers, and siblings that people aren't allowed to express. Maybe someday things will change, but until then we must shed our tears in silence.

It is almost as if the entire world is bipolar.

Who Am I? Chaotic Whirlwind of Emotions Flutter From My Head

Who am I? Tumultuous nights move into chaotic days as the minutes and hours flow into brighter lights of noise.

Those dark moments of the evening when my mind is so full of noise that I can't sleep,  are always filled with days so chaotic that I am exhausted. People often talk of the cobwebs in their memories, but for me, those cobwebs filled with spiders that won't contain their movement.

Bipolar disorder isn't easy by any means and the clutter that fills my mind is a by-product of my thoughts.

It is hard to describe to the average person that never felt this way exactly what this chaotic world makes me feel. Sometimes it is as if the world is moving in slow motion with a billion things occurring at once. Okay, so that may seem like everyone feels that way and I guess to a degree we all do. But living with Bipolar disorder is far more complicated than that simple statement.

My chaotic thought pattern is more like a jigsaw puzzle cut into a million extra pieces, and every piece is black. Putting that puzzle together to make sense is nearly impossible. That is how my mind is most of the time.

It has taken me many years to learn the idiosyncrasies of my strange world.

When people hear you have this disorder their first reactions are "I'm sorry." And that happens all the time. But for me after all of these years, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, cause I don't feel sorry for myself.

Bipolar disorder is chaotic, bipolar disorder is a jumble of thoughts, but they all combine to help create the many artistic things that occur in my life. I love to paint, sketch, write, and anything that allows my inner artist to shine.

Who am I? Death Never Takes a Holiday

Who am I? I am human, and I am normal (well sort of normal anyway).

Life goes up, and when it decides to go down, boy does it fall hard. We heard from an old friend passing away this morning and as it tends to do it takes you on a journey. That journey through reminiscing about the past.

It is never easy for a family to lose someone, no matter the age. The loss is loss and when it is someone you love that loss is significant. I have suffered a loss in my life, and I have had close calls of loss.

There are no words to express to someone when they are the ones who have said goodbye to their loved one. It doesn't matter if you have lost someone yourself, anything you say is not sufficient.

Every person goes through this time differently. Brothers and sisters feel pain different; spouses feel different. I found in my position what I wanted more than anything was a kind smile, a pat on the back, and eyes that told me they were there. I didn't want to hear, "I know how you feel," "I lost someone too," and honestly
"They are in a better place" wasn't comforting at the time.

If you have faith, you believe they are in a better place, and you don't have to hear it. And in the moment of loss it doesn't help, you are just in shock and horror that this has happened. No words were the best for me.

Death, such a horrible part of life. It never gets better, and no matter how long it has been you will always miss a loved one. The Sad part of life but if you loved them, it is hard.

It helps to have the faith they went on to a better place, but that doesn't fill the hole they leave. As I sat holding my Mama's hand as she gasped her last breath, I knew she was going to a better place, but it didn't fix the pain.

I miss my Mama and Daddy every day and will always miss them. I loved them so much.

Loss through death is so painful it feels like something was stolen. Sure we get through it somehow, but it is never easy.

I just send my prayers and good thoughts to anyone who is going through this.

Death comes to all of us in some form during our lives. That is just a part of things. It is not easy because when we love it is powerful.

RIP to an old friend. May you ride in heaven among the angels.