Who am I? Tumultuous nights move into chaotic days as the minutes and hours flow into brighter lights of noise.
Those dark moments of the evening when my mind is so full of noise that I can't sleep, are always filled with days so chaotic that I am exhausted. People often talk of the cobwebs in their memories, but for me, those cobwebs filled with spiders that won't contain their movement.
Bipolar disorder isn't easy by any means and the clutter that fills my mind is a by-product of my thoughts.
It is hard to describe to the average person that never felt this way exactly what this chaotic world makes me feel. Sometimes it is as if the world is moving in slow motion with a billion things occurring at once. Okay, so that may seem like everyone feels that way and I guess to a degree we all do. But living with Bipolar disorder is far more complicated than that simple statement.
My chaotic thought pattern is more like a jigsaw puzzle cut into a million extra pieces, and every piece is black. Putting that puzzle together to make sense is nearly impossible. That is how my mind is most of the time.
It has taken me many years to learn the idiosyncrasies of my strange world.
When people hear you have this disorder their first reactions are "I'm sorry." And that happens all the time. But for me after all of these years, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, cause I don't feel sorry for myself.
Bipolar disorder is chaotic, bipolar disorder is a jumble of thoughts, but they all combine to help create the many artistic things that occur in my life. I love to paint, sketch, write, and anything that allows my inner artist to shine.
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