Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Who Am I? Been Sick, Sad, and Dealt With Life




Who am I? Lately, those words mean I have been sick. Food poisoning has had me for almost a month. It has been the worst case I have had in years, but I am finally feeling a little better. At least I feel alive.


The last couple of months has been difficult, to say the least. I have cried so many tears that I feel cried out. Losing a pet to the majority of the world means you lost a pet, but to my family, it is more like losing a family member. Our furry family is far more than just simply pets. 

That began for me when I was a little girl. My parents gave Larry and me a beagle puppy, Susie. And we loved her dearly. Although the love I have for her was nothing in comparison to the relationship we have with our current and recent furry family. Susie was such a sweet dog, that sweet little beagle face. Life for Susie cut short, sadly.

My parents had built a house, and we were to move to the country. It was an exciting time, and I couldn't wait to run the fields with little Susie by my side. Daddy went and got some chainlink fence so he could build her a pen until she got used to the farm. We had a beautiful day and went home nearly at dark. 

I will never forget the look on the neighbor's face as we pulled into our drive. He had witnessed the woman in the big car come down the street and as she ran up over the sidewalk into the yard, where little Susie sat. I will never forget how he was positive that she had done it on purpose.

Images of the bike riding woman from Wizard of Oz flooding my mind and remain with me today. How could someone be so cruel and intentionally kill an innocent? Boy, would life teach me that lesson time and time again?

I was so devastated. The funny thing is that I never realized how much it affected Daddy. That chain link fence laid in the same spot for nearly 30 years when Lynn was the one to move it. For me, it was about a year before we got the poodle that would be my best friend, my confidant, and my actual first furry family. 

Mitzi was a beautiful miniature teacup silver poodle. But more than that she was my friend. I adored her, and she adored me. That sweet little silver face was at times the one face that allowed me to retain my sanity. Then, Lynn came into my life, and she hated him. All he had to do was get near her or me, and she would bite him. This moment was the first and only time she ever behaved that way. It wasn't so funny then but as I look back after all of these years it is funny.

I was torn and didn't know how to get her to like him, let alone love him too. No matter what I did, she just couldn't stand him. Then the unthinkable happened, Mitzi who had congestive heart failure began to slip away. It was so awful watching her suffer, and all I could think was I had to get back to Mama and Daddy's before she passed. 

Lynn drove like a madman trying to get there as I held her little quivering body close to me. But about 3 miles from Mama's house Mitzi crawled out of my arms and moved to Lynn. She laid her tiny head on his arm, licked him and as she looked up at his face she passed away. I will always know that was her way of passing the torch of my care on to him. 

Now when Susie was killed it hurt, but this was a pain like nothing else. I was lost. I didn't know what to do.

You can't replace a love of a furry family, the only thing you can do is to put something else out there for you to think about. That furry family member always missed, and here 36 years later I still shed tears for little Mitzi.

Lynn tried to make me smile and tried to fill that empty hole left by little Mitzi with a teeny, tiny black spitball of a pup. Cherry Bomb came into my life with a flash, and that was how she remained. She was so tiny, and so sweet. Sure she wasn't Mitzi, but she quickly became my baby.

I spoiled her so bad that I never left her alone. Granny would babysit anytime we went somewhere she couldn't go, and I began wearing overalls so I could slip her inside and go most every place else. It wasn't what I should have done, but I snuck her in McDonald's as we ate and slid french fries down the front of my overalls so she could share in lunch.

The Health Department would have died if they knew. And she rode in my pocket no matter where I went. That was life with Cherry, and it went on for many years. She saw the birth of both my girls and did her part to help with them.

Life with my furry family would continue. Furries came and stayed as long as their little lives would allow. The love we shared has only increased, and they are just more spoiled every day.

Bambi (Bam Bam) came into our lives because our oldest wanted a Min-pin, but she quickly decided she was Cole's dog. Or maybe he was hers. It was hard to tell. She slept in bed with Cole from the time he was a tiny baby until she got so old she was nearly blind and deaf and she had to sleep in a safer spot. Then it was too dangerous for her to be on the bed. That little red spitfire passed away a month or so ago at the ripe old age of 16 1/2 which is nearly unheard of for a little dog. Cole will always have a hole in his heart where she lived.

I think she passed because she was grieving just as we were. Dewb had left us just a couple of weeks before she died and it was the most painful passing of a furry family member any of us had ever had. Losing him was something that was beyond belief. He never knew he was a dog, and he was far from being a pet. He was a little boy, and that was how we treated him.

The pain that left behind will never stop, and we only try to move on. But Bambi loved him too, and I think it was more than she could handle. Just as my Dad died when Mama did, Bambi left with Dewb.

Our pain continues and seems never to end. Duncan, sweet little Duncan who was brought into our lives to help fill a gap left us just a short two months after. It was sudden, fast unexpected and devastating. None of us knew how much we loved him.

So tears fill our eyes, and the pain is overwhelming as we try just to survive.

The furry family is the greatest thing, but with it comes pain. Pain because we love them so deeply.



If the world loved each other as honestly as those sweet little furry members of our families loved all of us. When you come home to that little face of your furry family, there is absolutely no doubt that they love you. Dogs have no concept of lying, no idea of hiding their feelings. So when they act glad to see you, well they are.



AMENDED  So many furbabies have crossed our paths, and it would take me days to fill in the names. But they were all loved with all our hearts and souls. They will be missed forever and left huge holes in our hearts. But I would not change a thing because they added so much love and happiness to our lives. Tears of joy, sadness, and heartache. Love those furbabies. Tiny man, you were such a sweet soul. Rottweiler beauty but such a softy. Everyone loved you, and we miss you still. Precious, Cassie, Cookie, Prissy, Penny, Toby, Rowdie, Sandy, Peppermint, Gidget, Duke, Baron and the list goes on. We loved them so much. There were a few cats that crossed our paths as beloved furbabies but Brian you were one of a kind, and we still talk of your antics.

Birds and fish filled our hearts as well. Our fur family has been large, but we loved and love them all. Cherish them because they are loyal, loving, and depend on you.

2 comments:

  1. Awww, sweet babies. psst you didn't give Tiny and Cookie a shout out. But they had good lives.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL I can't believe I forgot Tiny man,Cookie, Precious, Prissy, Toby, Gidget and OMG the list is too long. But Tiny was so definitely one of a kind, We got free Pizza because of him. LOL Loved them all and then you add the cats that we loved. Brian was the greatest. Us and our furry families. yes they had good lives but have left such a hole in our lives. They will all be missed forever.

    ReplyDelete

No Shame Here

  Bipolar disorder. There was a time I was ashamed of those words, a time when I hid the fact, and a time I listened to those who said ...