Who am I? New Year's Resolutions

Christmas is over and the New Year is right in front of us, so what are the new things to accomplish? What are your resolutions for the coming year? Will you lose weight, exercise more, move, find love, or give up smoking?

Resolutions have been a part of history for thousands of years. The Babylonians are said to have been the first to start the practice of resolutions. They by promising to their gods to return borrowed items and pay their debts. That would be a superior resolution even by today's standards.

The Romans continued the resolution by making promises to their god Janus, the month of January was named for that particular god. In Medieval times the Knights took what they called a 'peacock vow' to reaffirm their vows to chivalry as a continuation of the resolution practice.

This practice began to become a part of a quarter of all American adults by the Great Depression and has risen to a solid 50% of the population in today's world. It would probably stand that the 50% statistic is a very conservative answer with far more people making resolutions. However, a vast majority of those resolutions are a private thought without formal acknowledgment.
Most popular resolutions:

• lose weight
• quit smoking
• make new friends
• travel more
• improve finances
• pray more often
• be kinder

No matter what the resolution happens to be, the real reason behind the practice remains the same. Self-improvement is the root concept of whatever promise a person makes.

Success or failure depends on the person making the resolutions. Statistics say that about 35% make unrealistic goals, 33% fail to follow through with the promise, and 23% just simply forget their promise. 1 in 10 claims that they simply make too many resolutions for anything to happen.

So what are your promises to the new year and a new more improved you? Will you lose that extra weight or put down cigarettes for the last time?

For me, I prefer just to promise to be thankful for what blessings pass my way. I promise to treat people as I hope they treat me. I promise to work hard to be as healthy as I possibly can, and I promise to remember that the little things in life can often be the most blessed of your life.

As the new year creeps slowly towards us on this last week of the year, I hope that everyone remembers to smile. It could be that simple act of smiling that allows you to have everything that you desire and to fulfill all your resolutions

Why could a smile lead to all of those things? Because if you work daily to be happy it often follows that happiness will come to you. So spread joy and happiness. Stop the anger and hatred that is tearing this world apart.

Who am I? Merry Christmas over the Years

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL!!!!!!

Christmas is a time of joy, love, and celebration. Growing up in the Ozarks was a grand time for holidays. It was a time that everyone got together to celebrate the birth of Christ, enjoy a great meal, and spend time with family.

My holidays started just before deer season when Mama pulled out the tree lit with love and happiness. Seeing that tree always brought me such joy, the colors, the lights, and the ornaments were so beautiful. It wasn't until I was six that we got our first real tree or a green tree for that matter. Up until that time, it was a silver tree with bright red glass ornaments and a fan-like contraption that spun a color wheel that twirled red, green, yellow, and blue over the silver tree. It was magnificent.

For hours I would lie beneath that tree staring up into the silver branches as the colors spun past my eyes. Christmas was all traditions and fun. First, we would wait patiently for the lights on the Courthouse to be turned on. I say calmly but honestly, it was far from patient. We ran around all day asking over and over if it was time yet and Mama would smile and say 'you have to wait.' Finally, it was dark, and Mama pulled the chair to the window for me as Larry stood beside her. I climbed on the chair holding on tight to her arm as I waited for the red and green lights to come on. Then, like a twinkle in the night they popped on, and it thrilled my little heart to no ends.

Looking back at the simplicity of the lights it seems hokey, but they were thrilling. In today's standards probably not so much, but in the early 6o's it was unbelievable. Then, our next request was to drive around and look at the lights. It was the greatest tradition sitting in the backseat as Daddy drove us all over town looking at the bright reds and greens of the Christmas lights. They were not as extravagant as you will find today but they were remarkable and made a lasting effect on many little boys and girls.

Things were great as we enjoyed the holidays growing up, decorations were gorgeous, the food was awesome, and the joy was plenty.

Our tree didn't have thousands of dollars of presents wrapped underneath yet we were thankful for the bounty. The holidays were great.

The day before Christmas always spent at Granny's house. A group of the girl cousins and mothers gathered to bake pies. And did we bake a lot of pies! Most of us had a special pie baked. Apple for one, pumpkin for another, raisin for my Daddy, and so on. The count was around 35 pies total. Amazing when you think of it, but that was the way things were.

We opened our presents on Christmas Eve because Christmas Day was full from the moment we awoke. After presents, we made our way to Jack and Opal's for the celebration of Christmas Eve. It was tradition to spend that night with their family and Opal's wonderful treats. It was a great thing.

What does Christmas mean to you? I look forward from the beginning of the year for those bright colored decorations and the lights. I look forward to the festivities every year. But those days as a child will stay with me forever.

Now it means many different things. My daughter and I start with Black Friday. It is not that we rush out and spend a ton of money, we simply enjoy the moment with a flair of fun. Then our decorations go up all the Santas, garlands, snowmen, candles, and lights. It is such fun to see the colors flash and the smiles on the Santas as the house transforms into a real winter tree wonderland.

I feel like a kid as they twinkle in the night and no matter how old I get it is still fabulous to sit in the dark watching the tree sparkle. That is when the memories of every Christmas with my kids floats before my eyes. The memories of tiny fingers digging into the sweet potatoes warning everyone to stay back because 'they are too good.' The memories of little fingers opening up the presents that send them into fits of giggles.

Sure, there are memories that aren't so good. The ones when we were in the early years of Lynn's injury and times were lean. Even when there wasn't anything for Christmas, the kids smiled and laughed with joy. Even the year we spent in the situation of near homelessness, the girls laughed with pleasure.

My memories run over with sounds of laughter as we stand in line to see Santa. Even the year that Cole could only say, "Santa has boobs."

That followed many other years, including the year I handed Heather to Santa only to have her climb his shoulder and jump to my Dad. She never really got to the point she would sit on his lap. It also held a year where Santa was drunk, and the girls were not happy about his smell.

How could I blame them, he was pretty toxic.

Blessed in so many ways, I have lost count of all mine. My life hasn't always been easy, but whose has? With certain issues that were far from my control, I have things others never possessed.

Christmas to me means spending quality time with my family. It means love, smiles, and remembering to be thankful for all the beautiful little things that fill our lives.

Presents are not what Christmas is about, and it is the love that Christ has provided to us with his birth.

Who Am I? What is Bipolar Disorder Really? Just Get Over It

Who am I? Funny, I ask that question so often and still I am not positive what answer really fits.

I know I am a Mom, a wife, a Nana, and doggy Nana. But who am I besides that? Being bipolar is not what I want to identify with. However, it is exactly what I need to identify with. Strange the one thing I hid for so many years of my life is what I feel is the real me.

Growing up I was constantly told by my Mama to just keep it all inside. I don't blame anyone, you see it was the way things were. Mental illness, bipolar disorder or as it was called then Manic Depression, was not something that the world really understood.

They were of the belief that it was just like a cold, I would get over it. So it began my life of being told to 'get over it'.

Bipolar Disorder by:
Definition

BIPOLAR DISORDER also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.

• Bipolar I Disorder— defined by manic episodes that last at least 7 days, or by manic symptoms that are so severe that the person needs immediate hospital care.Usually, depressive episodes occur as well, typically lasting at least 2 weeks. Episodes of depression with mixed features (having depression and manic symptoms at the same time) are also possible.
• Bipolar II Disorder— defined by a pattern of depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes, but not the full-blown manic episodes described above.

Bipolar I Disorder, that is me. 

Even, after all these years and it has been a long time.My diagnosis was in 1967, and I will not do the math to let you know how many years that has been. If you want to know how long that has been, well do the math. But I only say it has been a LONG TIME. 

My first treatment was a dosage of lithium every morning. I had a deep phobia of choking so my Mama would crush the pill up and feed it to me with a spoon. I can still see myself sitting on the kitchen counter as she crushed that pill, so long ago.

Ironically, it didn't stop anything. Or maybe it kept it from getting too bad. I don't know, all I know for sure was that it was a miserable time for me. The manic episodes were awful, and I know it was hard on my parents as much as me. But I still felt so alone. 

That was when I began to take moments to hide in the closet when things got too intense in my head. 


One of the most difficult things to handle comes in the form of people who still feel like this is a made up disease. Guess what folks, why the hell would I make it up? It hurts when their ignorance is so strong that all they want is to convince me to 'get over it.' 

Bipolar disorder is nothing we can just 'get over,' this is the way things are, and as more people come forward admitting they suffer, it is time for the ignorant to realize the truth.

The funny thing is that while I suffer from this disorder, it is the ignorant I feel sorry for.